Americans may have seen more of Anthony Weiner than they ever wanted this week, but his wife has remained remarkably unexposed — and many women are cheering her unwillingness to stand by her man.
“If you’re a smart, strong woman in your own right, why let a misbehaving spouse drag you into his mess and give the impression that you’re sanctioning his behavior by appearing at his side?” said Jennifer Weiner, the best-selling author who wrote about a spurned politician’s wife in “Fly Away Home” and isn’t related to the congressman — but does have sympathy for anyone saddled with the name.
Anthony Weiner’s glamorous wife of 11 months, Huma Abedin, was conspicuously absent during the cringe-worthy news conference in which he tearfully admitted sending sexually explicit messages and pervy pictures to at least six women. She hasn’t issued any statements supporting him, or been seen with him since the sexting scandal broke last week.
“The old rule was that when a male politician got caught in a sex scandal, it helped enormously if the wife would ‘stand by her man,’” said Larry Sabato, the director of the Center for Politics at the University of Virginia.
“The thinking went, ‘If the wife has forgiven him, the voters should, too.’ The new rule is that a male politician should have more concern for his wife’s feelings than to make her appear on the stage as he confesses, adding to her humiliation.”
But unlike the stone-faced wives of former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, Louisiana Sen. David Vitter, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, and, yes, her boss Hillary Clinton before her, Abedin refused to stand beside her husband during yet another embarrassing public skewering of a sexually misbehaving pol. “The Good Wife” she is not.
Her action, or lack thereof, cements the shift in protocol for how a politician’s spouse is supposed to behave after her husband has, in this case at least, tweeted crotch shots to strangers. Abedin, who is notoriously discreet, took her cue from Jenny Sanford, wife of philandering South Carolina ex-Gov. Mark Sanford, and Elizabeth Edwards, who both sat out their husbands’ public mea culpas.
Weiner did bring up his wife during his news conference, saying the two have no have no intention of splitting up over this, but the American public will have to take his word for it. “I love her very much, and she loves me,” he said Monday.
Meanwhile, Abedin has, seemingly, remained focus on her duties with Secretary Clinton.
“Huma Abedin earned a lot of respect by keeping her head down and staying at work,” said the author Jennifer Weiner.
Her public profile would indicate nothing less. Born in Kalamazoo, Mich., to parents who were both respected scholars, Abedin is widely considered to be both smart and stunning. She is fluent in Arabic, is said to have dated the actor John Cusack and cyclist Lance Armstrong before marrying Weiner, and has been featured in Vogue and Time’s “40 Under 40” list.
“She is timeless,” Hillary Clinton told Vogue in 2007. “Her combination of poise, kindness and intelligence are matchless.”
Eric Dezenhall, who runs a crisis management public relations firm in Washington, D.C., said Abedin’s decision is an example of the evolution of the standard “sorry I strayed” news conference tableau.
“Women who failed to stand by wayward husbands in the past were considered disloyal,” he said. “This was especially true because of the feeling that they signed up for a deal of sorts and that part of the deal was to put on a happy face. Today’s generation of women rightly reject the notion that humiliation is part of the deal.”
Jane Pratt, the longtime voice of twentysomething women and the founder of a new website called xojane.com, agrees. “I always thought that it was horrific torture for the wives they were expected to do that,” she said.
Dina McGreevey, now Dina Matos, the wife of the former New Jersey governor and famous “gay American” Jim McGreevey, however, defended her decision to be there when he told the nation he’d been having an affair with a male staffer. “I had nothing to hide,” she said on “Oprah” in 2004. “I had done nothing wrong.”
Neither choice is ideal. Whether a politician’s wife shows her face at her husband’s confessional or not, she’s unlikely emerge from what have become very public scandals unscathed.
“No matter what you do, there will be people speculating that you’re complicit, that you knew, or that you weren’t satisfying your husband and that’s why he strayed,” the author Weiner said. “Honestly, there’s almost no way a wife can come out of this kind of situation a winner.”
“If you’re a smart, strong woman in your own right, why let a misbehaving spouse drag you into his mess and give the impression that you’re sanctioning his behavior by appearing at his side?” said Jennifer Weiner, the best-selling author who wrote about a spurned politician’s wife in “Fly Away Home” and isn’t related to the congressman — but does have sympathy for anyone saddled with the name.
Anthony Weiner’s glamorous wife of 11 months, Huma Abedin, was conspicuously absent during the cringe-worthy news conference in which he tearfully admitted sending sexually explicit messages and pervy pictures to at least six women. She hasn’t issued any statements supporting him, or been seen with him since the sexting scandal broke last week.
“The old rule was that when a male politician got caught in a sex scandal, it helped enormously if the wife would ‘stand by her man,’” said Larry Sabato, the director of the Center for Politics at the University of Virginia.
“The thinking went, ‘If the wife has forgiven him, the voters should, too.’ The new rule is that a male politician should have more concern for his wife’s feelings than to make her appear on the stage as he confesses, adding to her humiliation.”
But unlike the stone-faced wives of former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, Louisiana Sen. David Vitter, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, and, yes, her boss Hillary Clinton before her, Abedin refused to stand beside her husband during yet another embarrassing public skewering of a sexually misbehaving pol. “The Good Wife” she is not.
Her action, or lack thereof, cements the shift in protocol for how a politician’s spouse is supposed to behave after her husband has, in this case at least, tweeted crotch shots to strangers. Abedin, who is notoriously discreet, took her cue from Jenny Sanford, wife of philandering South Carolina ex-Gov. Mark Sanford, and Elizabeth Edwards, who both sat out their husbands’ public mea culpas.
Weiner did bring up his wife during his news conference, saying the two have no have no intention of splitting up over this, but the American public will have to take his word for it. “I love her very much, and she loves me,” he said Monday.
Meanwhile, Abedin has, seemingly, remained focus on her duties with Secretary Clinton.
“Huma Abedin earned a lot of respect by keeping her head down and staying at work,” said the author Jennifer Weiner.
Her public profile would indicate nothing less. Born in Kalamazoo, Mich., to parents who were both respected scholars, Abedin is widely considered to be both smart and stunning. She is fluent in Arabic, is said to have dated the actor John Cusack and cyclist Lance Armstrong before marrying Weiner, and has been featured in Vogue and Time’s “40 Under 40” list.
“She is timeless,” Hillary Clinton told Vogue in 2007. “Her combination of poise, kindness and intelligence are matchless.”
Eric Dezenhall, who runs a crisis management public relations firm in Washington, D.C., said Abedin’s decision is an example of the evolution of the standard “sorry I strayed” news conference tableau.
“Women who failed to stand by wayward husbands in the past were considered disloyal,” he said. “This was especially true because of the feeling that they signed up for a deal of sorts and that part of the deal was to put on a happy face. Today’s generation of women rightly reject the notion that humiliation is part of the deal.”
Jane Pratt, the longtime voice of twentysomething women and the founder of a new website called xojane.com, agrees. “I always thought that it was horrific torture for the wives they were expected to do that,” she said.
Dina McGreevey, now Dina Matos, the wife of the former New Jersey governor and famous “gay American” Jim McGreevey, however, defended her decision to be there when he told the nation he’d been having an affair with a male staffer. “I had nothing to hide,” she said on “Oprah” in 2004. “I had done nothing wrong.”
Neither choice is ideal. Whether a politician’s wife shows her face at her husband’s confessional or not, she’s unlikely emerge from what have become very public scandals unscathed.
“No matter what you do, there will be people speculating that you’re complicit, that you knew, or that you weren’t satisfying your husband and that’s why he strayed,” the author Weiner said. “Honestly, there’s almost no way a wife can come out of this kind of situation a winner.”
